Gentlefolk, first off this morning a slight adjustment. I had a word with my advisors last night, and they are of the opinion that I should declare a specific time for the release of new posts. These gentlemen, who apparently are more concerned about this blog than I am, are worried about the distribution of the blog. According to them, there is a specific time period within which I should deliver so as to ensure you good people get yout daily dose via email. They used terms like 'email subscription' and 'feed burner' and what not. I have no idea what any of this means, I'm just the writer.
However, the board did reach a decision. From now on, the new posts will be up between 9 and 11 am and pm everyday. I hope this makes things more convenient for you good people. If it doesn't, I will be more than happy to give you the names, phone numbers and address of my advisors, so you can all have a nice sit down and sort it all out.
Gentlefolk, how is the day going so far? I am once again on the 2nd bus this morning, through no small effort on my part, and once again, the ladies do not disappoint. Which brings me to my musings for today. Last night, someone asked after reading the P.M. post, what my inspiration is. How do I get my ideas and/or what inspires me. Gentlefolk, I honestly do not have an answer to this. I cannot pinpoint any one influence, external or otherwise, that determines my thoughts for the day. My inspirations come from every and anything that happens to me, you and the next guy. For instance, the inspiration for this morning's post is a very simple one. Gentlefolk, I woke up horny. And not my usual morning stiffy either, I woke up with viagra in my veins.
This is one of those mornings where I wake up, praying I do not get propositioned by an unattractive female, for I might commit a serious blunder. The way I feel presently, a hug that lingers for too long might result in an unwanted pregnancy. I pray not to catch a cold today, for I fear it is not mucus I may sneeze. Yes gentlefolk, I am that randy. This is the kind of horniness rich old men pay doctors massive amounts of cash to induce upon them. Imfact, I am doing everyone in this bus a favour by just typing with my fingers, cos I'm pretty sure an extra appendage would love to get in on the action.
I do not know why I feel this way today. I did not watch any thing remotely stimulating last nite. I ate no form of aphrodisiac before going to bed, not unless eba can now be used as a stimulant. I am just very frigging horny. I almost wish masturbation was socially and morally acceptable, because the urge to put the lotion in motion is strong within me. But alas, there is nothing that can be done about this. I shall have to suffer through this pain alone, for I see not form of relief in sight. If only the bank wasn't littered with security cameras and CCTV... If only the hotel was doing a get a free room promo today... If only the CEO's girl was feeling the exact same way I'm feeling right now, then maybe there may have been hope for me.as it stands however, it will be an uncomfortable day for yours truly.
Now I'm on this bus, which of course is transporting a literal buffets of tasty dishes. All flavours, kinds and colours of woman is on this bus, here I am, a healthy, virile male and all I can do is stare. I came to the buffet without a ticket, and thus I cannot eat. This is torture gentlefolk, I am dying. Every woman I look at now is attractive to me. In my twisted mind, I have already turned this bus into my harem, and dammit, the sheik wants some loving this morning. Two at a time ladies. Don't bother rushing, there's enought to go round. People half the ladies in this bus are pregnant for me already, the other half aren't cos they're the latter half, meaning I wasn't in a rush anymore, so I used a condom with them.
I know the womenfolk out there probably consider me a pig right now, and I'm sorry ladies. But every once in a while, the neanderthal must come out. The boys know what I'm talking about. So ladies, please if you bump into me today, refraind from hugging me. I might take it too far. Not to worry though, if there's anything that can cure me of this illness, its my office. One look at that building, and I turn into a eunuch.
My name is Womilee, and lord help me today.