Friday, 18 June 2010

A.M. ... 18/06/2010

People, who was that chap last night? I've warned him severally to stop bugging me and now he's gone and upset you good people. I can't stand the guy honestly. Always moaning about how depressed he is and upsetting me and everyone else around me. I swear, I would love to kick his ass someday. Unfortunately, I'm not a contortionist, I can't bend my legs all the way round my own body.
Last evening's P.M. edition was me in a bad place, I think I let the week get to me gentlefolk. But now however, I shall let the weekend get to me. I am so incredibly happy that its friday people. Despite my relatively relaxing job, I am worn out. I think its more mental deterioration than physical fatigue. I guess there's something about staring at the same wall every day that can cause a person to become dis-illusioned.
Never the less, its friday and we thank God for it. Now gentlefolk, I had made an amazing discovery this morning. Its ground breaking, breath taking and nut cracking all in one. People, I am on the 1st bus.
Yes yes, due to a long and frankly, not very interesting combination of factors, I somehow made it on the 1st bus to leave this morning. While this in itself is amazing, it is not my discovery, which by the way, I should get a Pulitzer for. Okay maybe not a Pulitzer, but at least an Emmy. Mtv? Aight fine, ill settle for a Soul Train award.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have already arrived at a ground breaking theory, which was my Early Babe Gets My Worm thesis, postulating that hot women get up earlier than not-so-hot women. Well, this morning's discovery is even more astonishing (and way more ridiculous) than that. Gentlefolk, I am on the first bus, and it is filled to the brim....with dudes!
Big, hairy, loud muthafuckers! Its like the International House of Schlong in here. Willy Wanker's Sausage Factory. This bus is like a casting session for 300, Return of The Spartans. Or as Boy Better Know put it, there's 2 many man, 2 many many man! I mean yeah, there's the occasionaly boobie in here, but if this bus has 40 people in it, there are just 5 females here. That's only 10 boobies! Out of 40 people, there's only 10 boobies! I do not like these odds. I am a banker, I know my numbers, and these figures do not add up.
In my usual way, I am now going to give this discovery a fitting name. A monicker that will describe the factors present in the most scientific manner. I shall call it Womilee's Theory of I'm Never Taking This Fucking Bus Again! What the hell?! Why should I wake up this early to spend time with a bunch of pissed off muthafuckers?! If I wanted to do that, I'd just splash cold water on my brother and father while they're asleep. Then the 3 of us can spend as much quality time as possible. I shouldn't have to pay to be surrounded by men, that just isn't right.
Gentlefolk, I hope this isn't a sign of things to come. I want this weekend to be filled with so many women, I might be mistaken for a gynaecologist. I want to feel like I couldn't get into medical school, so I had to settle for nursing school. This weekend should bring about the kind of satisfaction one gets from managing a strip club.
My sex life or lack there-of is well documented, and its situations like this one that cause it. I believe the environment which you find yourself in always has an effect on you. Therefore, this bus is severely hampering my chances of finding a girl to play pickle me/tickle me with this weekend. Something must be done! On a totally random note, I just saw a girl with the words 'I've got male' written on her tshirt. I just felt like sharing that.
Its almost over people, see you in the evening for our kiss goodbye.
I am Womilee, and there's 2 many man, 2 many many man.


  1. Nigga i think u need to get a bus just for only babes cos e go hard for u to time that 2nd bus all d time...bunch of angry dudes isnt something u wanna see every morning abeg..lmao

  2. And to think you refused my offer......