"I don't know what they want from me, its like the more money we come across, the more problems we see..." When I was younger, Biggie's Mo Money, Mo Problems made absolutely no sense to me. I was about 15 years old at the time, and while I worshipped Biggie then (as I do now), it was beyond me how mo money equated to mo problems. If anything, it solved all problems.
There was another song back in the day as well. I don't know the name of the artist or track, but it went 'Back in the days, when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore, but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again...". Gentlefolk, these two songs have resulted in an epiphany for yours truly. This morning, I woke up and for some reason calculated my present networth. Now gentlefolk, as you all know, I am a banker and thus I have at my disposal the most intricate of financial terminology. So, please bear with me as I systematically analyze my current financial standing. I hope the terms which I am about to spew forth are not too verbose for you good people to understand. As such, as I perviously said, after taking into account my expenses and income, in my professional opinon... I'm broke.
Of course I comparism to my 9 year old self, I'm filthy rich! 9 year old Womilee would be immensely impressed with 27 year old Womilee, which is nice in its own way. But 26 year old Womilee is not impresses at all, his disappointment in me provides me with a continual source of amusement and self-loathing. 26 year old Womilee thought things would be better by now. 26 year old Womilee is a dick. He should have done something back then, muthafucker expects me to perform a miracle.
Yes, more money brings more problems, Biggie was right, I don't know why I doubted him in the first place. I have more money than I did last year, much more than when I was 9, but it constantly seems like I'm broker, or more broke, I'm not sure which is proper. But that's besides the point. Which brings me to the second song. Gentlefolk things were so much easier when I was a child. Yesterday, on the ride home, there was this little girl on the bus with her mama. She was obviously bored, so she took a handerchief and tied it around her leg. She instantly became animated, the boredom vanished immediately. She started jumping around, playing, generally making a nuisance of herself. Gentlefolk, I was so jealous, cos if you know me, then you know very few things give me more pleasure than making a nuisance of myself. I was in my usual miserable post-work state, thus, I was not happy at all. And here was this little girl, who derived such joy from such an insignificant act. People, I was inspired.
As soon as I got home, I rushed to my room, found a scarf tied it around my leg and waited. Then after about 30 seconds, I took off the scarf, walked up to my sister and asked her to slap me across the face. When she refused (out of confusion mostly) I walked to the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and smacked the shit outta me. What the fuck was I thinking?! I'm not a little girl, despite what my elder sister thinks and tells people! I'm a grown ass man, and I tied a scarf around my leg, expecting what?! I'm quite ashamed to tell you good people this, but I'm using this as a way to ask a favour. I didn't smack myself hard enough yesterday, so please, if you run into me, feel free to beat the crap out me, I deserve it after yesterday's stupidity.
What I'm trying to get across though is, things were so much easier as a kid. Again, in comparism to myself as a child, my networth has increased tenfold. But so has my unhappiness. When you're a kid, you have absolutely zero worries. You couldn't give a fuck about cash, clothes, respomsibilities. A kid can walk up to his dad, who just got fired from his job, and announce that his school fees just got increased by 500 large. Walk away, with absolutely nothing on his conscience, meanwhile the old man is considering the fastest suicide methos.
I remember my most trying time as a kid. I was 8 years old, and not doing too well in school, so my mom got me an after school tutor. It was so inconvinient gentlefolk, because the lessons were between 3.30 and 4.00pm. That was when Fraggle Rock and Muppet Babies were on! I was livid, like "what the fuck?! I can't miss those, they're important!". Biggest worries of an 8 year old gentlefolk. Now I have to contend with so much shit everyday, its unbelieveable.
I miss the days when going out meant spending someone elses money. When getting home late was by 3.00pm. When getting paid meant a rich relative was in town. When the statement 'fuck girls' was one of disgust, not of desire. I miss being a kid, and no matter how much Samurai Jack I watch or how many video games I play, I can't be one again.
Won't stop me from acting like a child though, that I enjoy. Now excuse me, I gotta go remove the scarf I tied on my leg this morning, just wanted to see if it might work again.
I am Womilee. See you laters.