People, I fear I am not in the best of moods tonight. I have had the most frustrating day. Its amazing how a day that originally started out as basically nothing can end up as everything. And by that, I mean everything wrong.
I had the day all planned out. Laze around for all the working part of it, then come back and thrill you with stories of the CEO's girlfriend and how I put my mac down. But alas, I could not achieve this plan. I mean, don't get me wrong, I did laze away the working hours of the day, but I did not expect the post-working hours to have their own plans.
This gidi is one hell of a city. According to Jay Z and Miss Keys, if you can make it in New York, you can nake it anywhere. While I applaud their belief and love for their home town, I find it difficult to believe that cos one can make it in NY, they can make it in Lag. This place is simply a large and vast mental asylum, housing some of the world's most criminally insane persons I've ever seen. Gidi showed me something else today. I have never, in my 27 years in this world seen traffic the way I saw it today.
I know what you're thinking... "Traffic in Lagos? That's what he's complaining about? Rubbish!"... Well fuck you! You weren't there! Forgive my outburst gentlefolk, as I said earlier, I'm not in the best of moods.
It was almost humbling. I swear on my lucky striped socks, every street in Victoria Island today was blocked. Not just the major ones people, even the ones without banks, telecommunication giants, clubs and those little shops that you're always wondering exactly what the fuck this place is for. I'm talking about those little streets that the people who live on them don't know their names. Everywhere was packed. Nothing could get through. Not cars, not bikes, not reason. It was horrific. And I was smack in the middle of it, rushing back to the office, so I wouldn't miss the staff bus. Which I missed.
Then I rushed to the BRT bus stop, hoping to find a bus waiting as soon as I got there. Which I didn't. I instead waited for another 2 hours, and now I'm seated next to this Ibo man who is under the impression that the entire bus should listen to and enjoy the conversation he is having on his mobile. Gentlefolk, I am not a tribalist. I hate all ethnic groups fairly and equally, including my own. But I really wish this bastard would shut up.
I think my anger may be stemming from the fact that I didn't utilise my day properlyl. Seeing as I now spend a majority of my time in a hotel, which is kind of a dream come true for me, I feel I should take full advantage of this opportunity. In other words, I want to get drunk in the bar and get laid in one of the rooms. However, I am just a lowly banker. I have s sneaking suspicion that a night in one of their rooms is the equivalent of a full month's salary for me. A drink at the bar might result in me having to wash the glass I drank from, as well as other dishes, as payment.
To do this to myself would be like wacking off with heat balm because I got horny in the winter. Might seem like a good idea, but probably best left un-experimented. I love me my beer. Gimme a Guinness and we're probably gonna end up being bosom buddies. I salute the legends that are Johnny Walker and Jack Daniels, for they truly have made the world a more habitable place for us all. And over the years, I have willingly sacrified my liver to them, over and over againl. But sacrificing my wallet, bank account balance and financial well-being to them as well is something I will not do! That belongs to you ladies... You know I love y'all.
I think I'm done for the day people, right now I'm like Dorothy fron the Wizard of Oz, I just wanna go home. And this fool beside me is ugly enough to be Toto anyways.
My name is Womilee, but you already know this.