Gentlefolk, I have good news and bad news. But it all depends on how u take the bad news. Infact its not really bad news, its more like un-good news. But before that, my usual drivvle about friday. I wish I was actually speaking, not writing, this would be an awesome time to clear my throat.
Its friday again. I live for this day! All I do is geared towards this day. Really though, its all towards today. All the shit I take at the office, the traffic to and from work, the shit I take at the office... Already said that haven't I? Well fuck it, ill say it again, the shit I take at the office, from my idiot boss, with his itty bitty hitler moustache sitting on his top lip. I don't understand what goes through his mind when he gets that trimmed. It looks like two cockroaches making out on his mouth. I enjoyed that one people, really I did.
I've been temporarily relieved of my hotel duties too. Yuip, for now, no more staring at the CEO's girl's ass, looking like there's a carnival going on in her pants. I never told y'all something though... She's white. Not caucasian white though, not like Julia Roberts white. She's Brazilian, just not the negro kind. For my soccer fans, she's like Kaka white. Do u have any idea how much brazilian porn I've watched gentlefolk? Do you know what these women can do?! That CEO knows what he's doing, and I don't mean the hotel is thriving under his management.
I haven't said it people, TGIF! Goddamm, this was a long week. I thought it would never end. I can't wait to get this suit off. Hell I might even go for a drink tonight. All that mental fatigue is gone, now I'm all hyper. Do you know the Energizer Bunny? That little rabbit that keeps going and going and going? I'm like his evil twin. Cos if the weekend goes the way I want it too, and I do get laid, then I gonna keep coming and coming and coming... I enjoyed that one too people.
I have two missions to complete this weekend gentlefolk, and one of them involves a mattress... Stop thinking filthy things people, I need to rest. That's what the mattress is for. The other thing is to play a game of hide the sausage with some healthy young wench. That I don't need a mattress for. Who fucks on beds anymore anyways? Boring. I want it like Tony Matterhorn baby, fuck inna the water, fuck inna the sea, fuck inna the bushes and fuck inna the tree, if u fuck upon the bed, your not fucking me!
I didn't enjoy that one as much as the first two, but we still have time. But before I continue my fuckery, I gotta say something serious. My baby cousin is unhappy today, something didn't go as planned. I love you darling, don't worry, everything will be good.
Where was I? Ah yes, TGIF! I'm not going to miss work, I'm not going to miss my colleagues, I'm not going to miss traffic. Fuck it, I'm not going to miss the CEO's girl. I'm not going to miss shit. I will however miss you all... Which brings me to the bad news.
People, I had a sitdown with my advisors, and we came to a decision which might not sit well with you good people. The way we see it, I'm going through writer's middle age. Its like an aging man. He can't do what he used to when he was 25. Especially in the backseat of the car (we're boycotting bedrooms remember?). He needs a little time, some R&R, maybe some extra stimulation to get his flagpole waving properly. Well the board feels I should emulate this technique. Therefore, it is with a great deal of sadness that I tell you GIM will no longer be coming to you twice everyday.
Luckily, I can't be bitch-slapped via the web, cos I fear some of you might already have you pimp hands up. I pray your indulgence gentlefolk. I want to do thsi every waking minute of everyday, but like that old man, I need time to recharge the batteries. I need mental viagra to get the literary boner up. I need to smoke a little sticky to expand my imagination. Okay, that's not a metaphor. I'm going to be doing that for fun as well.
Gentlefolk, GIM will now be coming to your good selves thrice weekly. On mondays, wednesdays and fridays. Hopefully this arrangement will allow me to get upset in the days in between, just the way you good people like me.
But let us leave such depressing discussions. Its friday dammit. We should be texting our various hookups, calling our peoples, mixing our drinks and swearing for our bosses. It just occured to me that some people who read this might be bosses in their organizations. Well Sir/madam, I hope you don't take what I say about your kind to heart. I had to clear that up, lord knows who I'll be working for someday.
Alright people, its suggestion time:
1. Music- I've been bumping rap all day, and it feels good to me. So I suggest Xzibit's Restless album for my fellow rap heads. For all the lovers/fuckers in the house, R. Kelly's TP2.com album. There aren't any love songs on it, but damn there's a lot of slow shit on it. Word of advice, with this album, use contraceptives. And for my in betweens, Neyo's In My Own Words.
2. Movies- I say go for a classic. The Usual Suspects. Kaizer Suse man!
3. Books- Douglas Adams' A Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy is the funniest book I've ever read. One of my advisors is probably foaming at the mouth right now. Ill give it back man, I swear.
4. Sex- I don't know about y'all, but mine is probably a matter of life and death. I found a note from my genitals this morning threatening to walk out on me effective monday if something isn't done about their current condition.
I enjoyed that one as well. Gentlefolk, let us not say goodbye, let's say its been nice and you aint gotta go home, but you gotta get the fuck outta here.
I am Womilee people, see you monday and TGIF!