You know what Im going to ask you, dont you? Does it feel good to you? Again? TGIF. I really hope it does people, cos it isnt feeling good to me. Its nothing to do with my health though, I think its because Im not about to close from work. That feeling that friday gives, that un-shackling, the faint cry of 'freedom' I usualy hear in my subconscious.... that's all gone. I guess I look forward to the end of the week as much as I do the beginning of the weekend. I hope that makes some sort of sense.Gentlefolk I have absolutely nothing to report for today. I have spent the entire day sleeping, eating and soliciting myself to girls via my blackberry. Apparently, just saying 'show us your tits!' isnt the best way to get laid nowadays. Who knew?! I am however feeling much better, thanks for asking. I doubt drinking is possible yet, but I think I can confidently say I am ready for coitus, should any attractive, young wench see it fit to grant me the pleasure.
I spoke to a friend today, and she informed me that her sexual life is as non-existant as mine. Gentlefolk, this friend of mine is rather hot if I say so myself. I have asked her severally if she would let me have a look in, just a little game of squeeze me/tease me. Just once, after all, what are friends for? Of course, she continually declines my offer, letting me down ever so gently. Infact just this afternoon, when I again propositioned her, she chose the most delicate of words to refuse.... I believe she said only if I agreed to do it with her dead body. Such a darling she is. But what I want to know is simple. I no longer believe that women dont get horny, I did biology, I now know the truth. What baffles me is how they go so long without sex. Is it a genetic thing? Can you ladies conjure up invisible beings to stick it to you while on the go? I have heard scary stories people, of women going years without nookie. I cant imagine doing this, I fear it might begin to hurt. Physically.
And I dont mean ugly women. Or asthetically displeasing, how ever you want to put it. Im talking about babes. Women who by virtue of their looks can commit bank robberies, control the elements, take over world powers and reverse time. Proper babes. Women that if I am slapped in the face by, I would for once in my miserable life, obey the teachings of the good book, and turn the other cheek. And if they still weren't satisfied, I would gladly bend over in order to allow their feet access to my behind. Women I would commit crimes to sleep with. Ladies who at anytime, anywhere, can have anyone they want. These people decide to refrain (not abstain) from sex. And meanwhile, here I am, climbing the walls everyday. Some have food, but cannot eat. Some can eat, but bluntly refuse to do so cos they're sadists.... thats how I remember the saying anyways.So people, shall we dance our usual dance....from behind again....
1. Sex: ... I dont want to talk about it...
2. Books: Get your hands on John Grisham's The Firm. Its awesome.
3. Movies: Has anyone seen 'Snatch'? It is a most incredible film, easily my favourite movie of all time. The coolest part about this movie is that everyone in it is a bad guy. They're all pretty much villains. Listen out for the part where Bricktop explains the meaning of 'nemesis'. I believe when one is trying to describe the term 'cool' they should refer to that part of the movie.
4. Music: My fellow rap heads, I thought I made it clear on wednesday... Da Freshness of course. You gentler folk, John Mayer's Continuum album is the way to go and for my in betweeners, I really liked Justin Timberlake's Justified album... though I hate admitting it.
And I have some news. As I have earlier stated, the board is not made up off the most rational or reasonable of men. They have used all sorts of strong-arm tactics, from stealing my deodorant to kidnapping my dog to force me into doing something I have been avoiding for a while. They are now threatening to contact an ex of mine who I convinced of my untimely death and disclose my whereabouts to her, should I not accept their position on a certain issue. They have, as the Mafia like to say, made me an offer I cant refuse, thus I have bowed to their demands. And the demands of some of my readers, whom I feel may have gone behind my back to strike a deal with these devils.
Gentlefolk, please search for me on twitter. I believe all you have to do is type my name. For those who may not know it, or have forgotten, let me help with a small reminder...
I am Womilee. TGIF