I have a serious thing for vampires. Since I was about 11, I loved them. And not those pussy type vampires from Twilight or Vampire Diaries, looking like they fresh out of Dawson's Ass Crack. I mean proper vamps. Mean, gangsta, sexy sonofabiches. When I was about 11, there was this show on BOP tv (you have to be an oldie to know this), it was called Forever Knights. About this vamp, anytime he wanted to fang out, his eyes would go fluorescent green and he'd start levitating. Fucking cool. That stuck with me till now. Any movie with vamps, I'm there...except of course those 90210 Twilight muthafuckers.It got bad people. I saw a movie once were 2 vamps were fucking, I can honestly say it was the sexiest thing ever. I wanted to (still kinda want to) fuck a vamp. I wanted to be a vampire.
And now, thanks to my job, I have achieved it. At least when it comes to my family on weekdays. I don't see nobody during the day. On weekends its like "wow mom, you've added some weight!" Or "dammit, who took my dog?!" Okay, so I don't suck blood, I don't have superhuman strength, I can't fly and its not like garlic can actually kill me, its more like it just smells funny. But still, I can only be seen at night! ...at home anyways.
Today turned out to be a rather good day gentlefolk. Yeah, it had the usual phenomenal stress attached to working in a bank, but it came with an added benefit. See, today is the last day of the month, and that means as a financial institution, the bank had to run EOM or end of month. It involves a long and frankly not very interesting process, which I would describe to you, but I have no idea what they're talking about half the time anyways. Back to the point though, the interesting thing about EOM is that in order for the bank's link to work tomorrow, it had to be shut down and reset by 5.00pm today. Which meant that any and all transactions had to be totally rounded up by 5pm too. Which meant after a particular time, we couldn't process any form of transaction or see to any form of business. But still this isn't the best part...the best part is, a majority of the staff forgot about this and no customer had any idea.
Do you see where I'm going with this gentlefolk? It was chaos. Those sombitch customers who take it upon themselves to come late and screw with me, they were fucked. They walked into my cubicle to meet me ready to greet them with a big smile and an even bigger middle finger. They begged, then they demanded, then they got irate. I happily directed them to my boss, who already had his hands full with pissed off colleagues. I was experiencing pure bliss. The customers looked so lost, pleading with any and everybody from me to my boss to the security guards to the fucking cleaners, but nobody could do a damn thing for them.
At I point, I went outside the bank and I saw a couple of customers staring blankly at the building. I have no idea why I did it, but I inquired as to their distress. Why the long faces? They confided in me gentlefolk. Telling me about the deal which would now go sour, and how if wasn't their fault they came late and so on. I was just about to feel some form of guilt, a little sympathy for these people, when they fucked up. One of them said "I don't know what's wrong with you people. I come here later than this all the time. Infact I once came here by 5.30 and I was still attended to." Gentlefolk any chance of sympathy vanished. To be sure, I asked again if a deal did go sour and how they were going to cope. They of course had no other option but to lose the deal. People, I cannot remember the last time I came so hard. Ripper of an orgasm I had as I walked away.
Infact, I think I'm the first male to acheive something that has been enjoyed strictly by females since time. People, I was having multiple orgasms, the first sight to greet me as I entered the banking hall, was that of my boss and another manager engaged in a shouting match. They were losing their heads and minds, and I was estatic. I kept hoping for a fist fight too. Got my phone's camcorder ready, but trust the pussies, they just kept shouting and shouting till they got tired and I lost my boner. I am however pleased to announce that I came at least 4 times. It was beautiful.
I am not a sadist. I have many perversions, but none of them is seeing people get hurt or sad. But these people wake up each morning, strategically planning how to fuck up my day. They draw up detailed plans, make blueprints, consult experts, determine favourable weather conditions and purchase hi-tech equipment. Operation Fuck with Womilee. Mission Frustration. These people upset me daily, and I shouldn't take a bit of joy in their unhappiness?! Is this not a democracy?! Am I not entitled to my rights? Can't life be fair just this once?! Dammit I enjoyed seeing my boss and those fucking customers suffer and I hope it happens again tomorrow. Infact, I'm tempted to walk up to that other manager and tell him my boss called him a pussy and claims to have fucked his wife. That might get things nice and violent. Unfortunately, I don't think he'll believe me...everybody is already of the opinion that Adolf can't even fuck his own wife, much less someone elses.
Gentlefolk, my vampire theory is about to be proven wrong. Its still light out, and I'm almost home. For once, I can thank my employers for something other than not sacking my irresponsible ass.
See you friday gentlefolk.
I am Womilee.