I heard them too. The rumors. Ridiculous weren't they? The board has a very unusual sense of humor. That's being too polite..., the board are a right bunch of fucking morons. As with all rumors, there were some truths in them. No, I was not caught trying to defile a camel in Dubai, that has no truth to it whatsoever. Infact, I'm currently in search of a good solicitor. I am suing the bastard who started that one. I'm going to take him for everything he has. Unfortunately, his net worth comprises of a blackberry, an impressive collection of porn and possibly the entire female population of Bradford, UK. This may not seem like much to you good people, but I've always wanted my own harem. Sheik Womilee.
How are you all? Its been too long hasn't it. One of my advisors is of the opinion that I should not apologise. According to his thinking, admitting fault makes guilt obvious. To quote him "Did Bill Clinton apologise for fucking Lewinsky?" I however do not support this. Please don't get me wrong, I mean I do not support my advisor's train of thought..., I do however fully support President Clinton's actions. What is the use of being president if you can't get a little nookie on the side?! I mean yes, the cigar was a bit much, cmon, we all have a bit of freak don't we?
Back to the point, I apologise. What I did was unforgiveable, exceedingly arrogant and downright uncool. I'm a dick. I know. All of you who informed me of that during the week didn't need to...obvious?! It was a bit of an ego trip I must admit. I received promises, threats and curses of all manners and types. Some of you are incredibly imaginative, a bit twisted , but then again, you do read this blog. Some readers chose to appeal to my conscience, others took the more violent route. One person said and I quote "may something slightly unpleasant happen to you like an onion falling on your head unexpectedly"... This cracked me up. You know yourself, you should start a blog too. You already have a fan.
I simply needed a break. I was beginning to feel sane. I guess therapy really does work. I poured out all the insanity in my soul onto this page everyday, then thrice weekly. And despite what many people think, insanity isn't inexhaustible. I ran out of madness. The scale that is my mind was happily unbalanced and this blog normalized it. I was becoming mentally healthy and I did not like it. I was beginning to see reason in situations I never understood before. I was beginning to understand why I should work for a living, why my job was important and appreciate the role I play in my organisation. I started being polite and accomodating to customers. I even felt attraction to females without any of the important 3 (face, tits or ass). But the last straw was the day my boss asked me to perform a particular task. And I did. Without complaining. I even understood what I was doing and why I was doing it. In short, I agreed with my boss. This affected me in ways I don't think Ill ever be able to explain.
I was becoming sane. Normal. Mentally and socially acceptable. Gentlefolk, my favourite thing about myself is my warped mind. Yes I also happen to be an avid fan of my dick, but that's just sentiment. We've been through a lot together, good times and bad, hard times and harder times. But none the less, I treasure my mind. I all its capcity or lack thereoff. And since I lost it at a tender age, I discovered contentment. I discovered bright colours, imaginary friends and faraway places inhabited solely by big booty bitches. I love the fact that I was insane and never wanted to be considered as mentally stable. All was well (or unwell) in the world of Womilee. Then I started this blog. At first, it seemed like a good idea, letting you all into my mind so often. But like some parasite that feeds off disturbia, I felt all that I hold precious seeping away slowly. My lack of mental health was being transfered out of my head and onto this blog. And maybe into you good people as well, judging from the quality of
the threats I received last week.
I may have come up with a another ground breaking discovery. I really must submit copies of my brilliance to the Nobel panel. I deserve some sort of acknowledgement after coming up with so many incredible thesis in such a short space of time. I believe that from my recent experience, medical experts and specialists should adopt my approach in the healing of their patients. Instead of shooting crazy people up with all sorts of drugs and concoctions, simply give them a way to express themselves. Hand them a paper and pen, a blackberry, put them in a fucking sandbox and hand them a stick. Let them write down all the fucked up shit that goes through their minds. No matter how nuts they are, after a while, they too will realise that they're out their fucking minds. I am talking out of personal experience here, trust me. The next madman you see on the street, stop him and ask him to explain himself at length. Repeat this activity for as long as it takes, I believe oneday, he'll begin to show signs of sanity.
As I said, this is a personal experience.
Gentlefolk, I missed you all. And love you all too. You can have all of me. My money, my wife, my brother's wife, fuck it, I will sacrifice my balls to you if you so require them. But I cannot let you take my mind. My insanity is worth everything to me. I am back. And I will continue to show you things in my head, but please understand if I disappear again. It simply means I'm gone to get mad again.
I am Womilee. I'm back.