Gentlefolk, I am being forced to work out of my preferred element. As you all know, I usually write my posts on the way to or from work, but today I am once again coming to you live from the office. I would like to send a special curse the way of the good people at MTN, who are responsible for my not having any service what so ever on my phone. May you all suddenly and painfully develop a fatal diarrhea-like disease.
Its halftime gentle folk. Wednesday, the pains of Monday are gone, yet the anticipation of Friday is still premature. I originally had no intention to write this morning, I had nothing in mind to talk to you about. But then, as I entered the office, I saw the most fascinating thing. Now this occurrence is neither new nor abnormal, I'm sure it happens in every office, in every area of the world. But nonetheless, I gave it particular thought today.
I got into the office the same as every other day, said hello to the same people, and bumped into one of the many Aphrodites who have made this place their workplace. I almost didn't recognize her! In her hands, she carried several packages. One of those huge handbags which women carry, her work shoes in another bag, yet another bag containing lord knows what.... she looked almost homeless, with all the baggage she had with her. All that remained honestly, was a shopping cart, a bottle of whiskey and a scraggly little dog.
I have often wondered, ladies, what exactly do you carry in those bags? I have seen miraculous things come out of some girl's bags though. A certain sweetheart cousin of mine once pulled out an entire bathroom convenience/appliance store from hers. She had soap, tissue, toothpicks, perfume, a bottle opener... I was almost afraid to ask if she simply had entire bathroom in it, she just might have pulled it out. In fact today, this colleague of mine actually had her hair in one of her bags! Her fricking hair. I'm thinking ,'what, the one on your head planning to retire soon? Maybe elope with a carpet?'. But I hear you should always be prepared for any and all events. It doesn't get more prepared than having 2 sets of hair with you at all times.
I decided to inquire as to the contents of her baggage... and if she wanted some change for food, or booze or crack etc, but she rushed straight into the ladies bathroom. Being the asshole I am, i was determined to tease her about her general look today, so I hung around. I shouldn't have done that good people. It wasn't a bag lady who came out of the bathroom. It was this sexy secretary lady straight out of my favorite porn flick. The transformation was incredible. In went homeless, out came horny. And this time, she took her time to say hello, complete with tight hug, beard stroke and wink. Obviously I totally forgot to tease her.
To those of you who follow me on twitter, the office stiffy is back. I don't need this, its too goddamn early.
Ill see you all later.
I am Womilee.