Friday, 23 July 2010

A.M. ... 23/07/2010

If Womilee was somehow cosmically converted from a human being, to a day of the week, I'd be Friday. I feel such a connection to Fridays good people. Infact I wish Friday could be converted to a human being. I want to buy him a drink. Or fuck her. Depends on what gender Friday is. And its no concidence I was born on a Friday night either. Ok, technically, it was a Saturday morning. On some day, in some month, back in 1983, at about 1.36am on a Friday night (okay, Saturday morning), a great man was born.... then about 2 seconds later in another room, I popped out.
TGIF gentlefolk, what it look like? We all deserve some form of congratulations at the end of every week. An award should be handed out, The GIM's. The categories would be awesome. 'Tardiest Male',
'Lead Female in Non-Giving A Fuck Role',
'Least Amount Of Work Done In A Totally Un-Supportive Capacity', 'Best Collaborative Quickie At The Office'.
Of course I'd be the host of this illustrious event every week. But that might seem like cheating, cos I'm dead sure I'd be the winner of the most prestigious award, 'Lifetime Lack of Achievement At Work Award'.
Until I get off my lazy ass to create, organise and host this event however, we all deserve at least a pat on the back. Gentlemen, present your backs, ladies, your backsides please. Lest I forget, FYIF the haters.
As per usual, I'm in a more amicable mood than I usually am. My baby Friday has that effect on me. Not quite harder, better, faster, stronger yet, but its still early. Unfortunately, there's a unit meeting at the office this morning, which might temporarily suppress my super powers.
These meetings have never made any sense to me. I'm usually equivalent to furniture when they come up. My boss knows this, my colleagues know this, yet they constantly expect me to attend. They discuss issues that I don't care about, toss about ideas that make no impact upon me, come up with policies I never adhere to. To be honest, while they are drawing up new policies and procedures, I'm designing my own blueprints of how to break whatever new rule has been put in place without getting caught. Really, its a giant waste of my precious time. Infact, the only thing that really interests me during these gatherings is my bosses voice.
He has one of those very high pitched voices gentlefolk, which can be viewed as a gift or a curse. Of course, its a curse to him, a man sounding like a 5 year old girl cannot be a good thing. However, it is a gift to me, as hearing him talk constantly provides me with a source of entertainment and amusement. And since he anchors every meeting, I sit there wondering how he came by his voice. As you can imagine, this activity takes me away completely from whatever the fuck he's talking about at the time. I have come up with a new list of reasons why he sounds like a female porn star:
1. Obvious, helium inhalation at a young age.
2. Practising for when he finally comes out of the closet and declares his homosexuality/sex change plans.
3. He's just a pussy
4. Walks around with an actual stick up his ass, that way, its not an insult anymore.
5. The chip implanted in his head by the company has malfunctioned
6. See 2 and 3 above.
I'm almost at work good people. Friday has started and Lord willing, friday will end. Til the evening then...
I am Womilee.

2 comments:

  1. prob his voice wasnt affected when he attained puberty, if he has sha!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Swallowed OMO and garri...

    ReplyDelete