There's a movie called Groundhog Day. It stars Bill Murray, so you can imagine, its rather quirky. That is not the important bit. The important bit is what the movie is about. The story is about this man who is stuck in the same day over and over again. He wakes up every morning, and the same day starts, never progressing into the next day. All this is attributed to some groundhog, which is supposed to pop out of the ground, signalling the beginning of potato season or some shit. As is expected, he loathes this at first, then meets and falls for his dream girl, and they live happily ever after. While I'm suggesting that you should see this movie, that isn't the bottom line.
The bottom line is that I want that fucking groundhog. I want it for a pet. I love my dog, but that's just for sentimental reasons. This groundhog might be a practical solution to this constant problem I'm having. The way I see it, if I get the groundhog, then I can find a way to manipulate its gifts for my own evil use. Bill Murray was helpless to withstand its powers and thus could not control the way it repeated a particular day. But then again, Bill Murray was busy chasing the girl and learning to play the piano and all sorts of un-important shit. I will be solely focused on understanding this animal's powers and harnessing them for one reason only. Stop fucking Monday from coming! Imagine on a sunday evening, everything nice and relaxed, you're in extreme chill mode and then you remember what day it is tomorrow. But not to panic, just go outside, dig a hole in the ground, and out pops this furry little creature who can solve the impending problem. Chat with him a bit, offer him a beer or two and go back inside, knowing that when you wake up tomorrow morning, it'll be today again.
I would do anything and everything needed to see this through. I would reason with the groundhog, try and make it understand the importance of what I (nay, we) are trying to achieve. I would be humble, eloquent and pleasant in this endeavour. If this fails, I would resort to bribery. I would offer every and anything it could possibly want, from a life time supply of groundnuts (I assume that's what groundhogs eat), to assistance in complete annihilation of its long time enemy, the mole. I would offer money, jewels, luxury yachts, slaves.... I would offer the fucking world for this power. And if he was still being unreasonable, I would go underground, kidnap his wife and send him a picture of her being violated by my friend's roitweiler!
Dammit, GIM. I'm wearing this fucking tie again, on the way to that fucking office. My weekend went pretty much the same...fast. Infact, I have only one reason not to be my usual irate self. That mini-moustachioed, single cell brained, shit-for-personality reject called my boss starts his leave today. Hopefully he will be replaced by someone whose CV has the words 'I actually know what the fuck I'm doing', written boldly on it, with a stamp of approval from the 'He really does know what the fuck he's doing' board. Like I said, I'm not my usual irate self, today I'm merely livid.
Again GIM gentlefolkn how did the weekend go? Did we all have any fun? Did anyone get drunk, high, arrested or pregnant? I certainly hope so, if just wouldn't be an awesome weekend without a story to tell.
I spent the majority of this weekend trying to kiss one girl in particular. And she spent her weekend making sure I didn't succeed. I gave her kudos for her resilience, she gave me props for my persistence. Which I thoroughly deserve, for it isn't easy getting rejected 7 times in a row, in addition to the complimentary slaps and scratches, courtesy of said sexy young thing. After a particularly bruising session, she asked if I didn't realise she was going to hit me. I was supposed to reply 'no risk, no proceeds'.... I replied 'no risk, no pussy'.... She hasn't answered my messages since yesterday....
I'm almost there good people, and I can feel it laughing at me. The office, this soul sucking demon that feeds on my discontent. I will survive though, I have to.
I am Womilee. Goddamit, Its Monday.
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