Friday, 30 July 2010

A.M. ... 30/07/2010


Baby, I missed you. 5 days without you always feels like forever. Yeah, saturday did his best to fill in for you, and sunday wasn't so bad either. But there's just nothing quite like you boo. Monday did her usual thing again. I don't know how you two are even related, sure you weren't adopted? Cos the amount of bullshit she pulls on me regularly is getting out of hand. I've come to expect her crap though, but you really should have said something about wednesday. I had no idea that she (or is it he) could be such an asshole. I wish I could explain what happened to me that day, but I don't feel like repeating myself.
I've got to go to work now baby, I'll be back in the evening. When I get home, we'll do that thing that I like so much. I love you baby.
Sorry about that good people, just saying hey to my girl. TGIF everybody, at last this shit can be put on hold for now. I swear down, the way I anticipate this day, you'd think it was my birthday.
In fact, I have officially declared every friday as National Womilee Day. In the land of Womilee, NWL is the most revered day of all, after Christmas of course (I'm not that much of a heathen).
I have never told you about the land of Womilee have I? It is a wonderful place. People say that it is a land overflowing with milk and honey, but alas, this is untrue. It is a land overflowing with booze and honies! Yeah there's milk and honey, but we're here to talk about important things, not cereal.
The Republic of WML shares many similarities with this world in which we live. The inhabitants breath oxygen, live off food and water, etc. But it is the differences that matter. In Womilee's World, virginity is considered a sacrilege. Virgins are viewed as cast-outs of the society and are usually exiled from the land, until they can prove that their previous situation has been altered. To do this, the virgins (or ex-virgins) must show whatever new skills they have acquired during their exile to the leader of the land.
Also, in WML territory, public drunkeness is not only acceptable, it is very much encouraged. However, there are limits. Drunken violence, rape and shitting on ones self are highly frowned upon. The first two offences are punishable by anal violation by a group of homo-sexual maniacs known as The Realists. The last offence will result in the offender having his name legally changed. From then on, he/she shall bear the term 'pussy' as a middle name.
In addition to these, within the Democratic Republic of Womilee, oral sex is not only a sexual act, its a proof and display of national pride. Refusal to perform oral sex results in immediate incarceration and intense psychiatric evaluation. This law applies to both the males and females of the land, as every citizen of The Sovereign State of Womilee takes the term 'eloquent tongue' to a whole new height.
Homo-sexuality is a serious crime in The United States of Womilee, but only in the case of men. Women are however not encouraged to be lesbians either, but are given all the necessary promptings to lean towards bi-sexuality.
Please good people, feel free to apply for citizenship. Our immigration requirements are simple. For the men, you must indulge in the one, more or preferably all of the following vices: alcohol, marijuana (no other form of drug is allowed), sports of some kind (no fucking cricket or polo or shit), and a more than adequate love for the fairer sex.
Ladies have one requirement only: be hot. Very fucking hot.
Gentlefolk, there are two more very unique elements to this nation. The first is that every single day is a friday, there are no other days of the week.
And the second is the leader. A man of great mind, body and penis. He strives to correct all the wrongs of society and strives harder to fuck up all the rights. A nobel prize winner in the category of Peace and Awesomeness. Let me introduce your new president....
I am Womilee

1 comment:

  1. Tis is so funny... would so like to migrate to this country... where the high commission

    ReplyDelete