Monday, 19 July 2010
P.M. ... 19/07/2010
I need help. That's not an invitation for anyone to make snide remarks. I mean I need suggestions. What else can I do for a living? I don't think I can continue here much longer. I know people at the office who have been bankers for years, nay, decades. They all have the same blank look in their eyes now. And they want the same from me.
Has anyone seen The Invasion? Aliens came to earth and inhabited people's bodies. Then they went about spreading their virus, making sure everybody was exactly like them. Mindless and happy about it. Luckily, as with every good movie, where there's a villain, there's a hero. And though I usually prefer the role of the villain, in this case, I'll put aside my wants and put on the cape, the mask, jump in the Batmobile, fuck Catwoman and make the pussy purr. I mean pussy cat good, but very dirty minded people. Catwoman is the pussycat I'm going to make purr. That's the only pussy I'm talking about.
Where was I? Dammit, all that talk made me forget the point I was trying to make.
Gentlefolk, I will never allow these evil mind-numbing entities infect us. As long as there is still blood in my veins, breath in my lungs and sperm in my balls, I shall fight for our freedom. I think I need some sort of signal too. Batman has his bat signal. Whenever there is trouble, someone flashes it in the sky and he comes to save the day.
I want one. Instead of a bat sign, mine shall be a giant middle finger. I too will have a utility belt, but no flash bangs, or grappling hooks or mini bombs. My utility belt will contain the tools needed to fight the evil capitalism which envelopes our lives.
Whenever there is a crisis of the occupational kind, I shall be there to save the day, with a mini bottle of Jack Daniels, enough marijuana to make Columbia jealous, more porn than the Playboy channel and a large assortment of condoms (gotta stay strapped people). And all the while I do this, there shall be one thing at the forefront of my mind... Man, I hope I don't get stopped by the police..
All I need now is a fitting super hero name gentlefolk... I would like to throw this task to you good people. Please find me a name that will strike fear into the hearts of industries and put warmth in the panties of women everywhere. I shall be awaiting your suggestions. Until you all come up with the genius I know you're capable of, feel free to refer to me as always...
I am Womilee.