Tuesday, 27 March 2012

The reason I'm writing tonight is simple..., I'm here to tell you all that someone took the rantings and ravings of a mad man and made them into a movie.., well tv show..., ok, internet series. Fuck it, I hav no idea what to call the damn thing. But I do know that on only two other occasions have I ever felt this flattered..., one is when she looks at the tackle box and smiles, and the other was that time in '07 when I scored that goal in Pro Evo with Steven Gerrard and my home boy hugged me. Seriously, it was an awesome fucking goal. I used Alonso to chip the ball, then did a back heel with Torres....
Back to the topic however, GIM is now available for your viewing pleasure/disgust, depending on whether your a lover of good entertainment, or a hating ass homosexual muthafucker who can go straight to fucking hell. Either way, you can find it at www.fusionme.tv
I want to express my heartfelt thanks to Chioma Onyenwe, who took it upon herself to get this project going. Like I said earlier, only 2 times before have I ever felt so flattered. So good people, have a look at the series and I honestly hope you enjoy it.
I haven't done this in so long, it'd be wrong if I left you without a story.....
If any of you out there have jobs (and if you do, then my condolences), you should know what an Auditor is. They are basically people who's entire occupational existence revolves around fucking with the functions of their colleagues. Most auditors spend their entire lives poking their noses where it is neither wanted, needed or appreciated. They do this until they finally pass on (usually from a work place 'accident'), after which they go to the big auditor heaven in the sky, where they begin their new vocations as Dementors guarding Azkaban. Now imagine what could be worse than an auditor...., I'll tell you..., a 300kg, walking, talking tow truck, which not only came to existence as a human being, but as an auditor.
My ability to pin point exactly why I dislike this woman so much, is often hindered by my conscience informing me that I do not require a reason to dislike her. She is inherently un-likeable. Her inner being is probably constantly at war with her outer being. Her ying and yang simply do not get along, and are currently not speaking to each other. If this woman were a television series, the show would have been cancelled after the 1st three minutes of the pilot episode, following which the producers, writers and actors would have been sentenced to death by being forced to watch 8 seasons of their own horrific show back-2-back. To put it in plain words, I hate the bitch.
It doesn't make it any easier that she is a walking black hole for any and all food items. Hers, yours, mine..., if its food, it will be caught in her gravitational field, which is not much weaker than that of our Mother Earth. The woman won't stop eating! The other day at the office, I had a near death experience. I tell you good people, I was scared shitless. Godzilla took one look at me, smiled and said 'you look good'. Gentlefolk, classic deer and headlights. I froze. Did she mean 'nice tie' or 'I haven't had breakfast today'? I tell you now though, I did not hang around long enough to find out. Nowadays, I make sure I'm never in the same place alone with her. At all times, I ensure that there's someone I can outrun with me if she's in the vicinity. I'm not stupid, I've seen those shows on the Discovery Channel...., the bear always goes after the slowest one.....
Once again, please check out GIM on www.fusionme.tv
I am Womilee.