THE IDEAL SOCIAL GATHERING: AN INTROVERT’S DISCOVERY
You read that right. Introvert. Not ‘recluse’ as some of my friends would have you believe. Don’t listen to them, they just hate me cos I’m beautiful.
You see, as time has passed, I’ve become more and more of an indoors person, and as such I’m rarely out and about on traditional social gatherings. My friends constantly complain, and have every right to do so, but then fuck them, I don’t wanna go to the wedding. Or the club.
I blame this situation on my sudden and tragic loss of …. the ability to drink. Or should I say permission? Doctor’s orders people, Womilee doesn’t drink anymore. And it seems I find most people a lot less tolerable without alcohol.
I am here to prove to them, and inform other introverts that I have found the perfect social gathering suited to my specific needs. A place where everybody shares such a common primary goal, that the only other things there to do are
1. appreciate the girl in glasses’ ass when she’s squatting, and
2. 2. tease Manchester United fans.
Good people, I’m talking about the gym.
Before I explain myself, let me clear this up. Yes I’ve been going to the gym. No I don’t have a six pack. I’m still locked in a never-ending battle against manboobs. Damn manboobs.
Now why the gym? Well it’s simple. Everybody comes there to work out. That’s the primary goal. So technically, it’s a social gathering where everyone just minds their own fucking business. It’s perfect.
There’s no time to talk too much, you still have 6 more sets to go. If you’re dancing, it’s to the music on your headphones. Of course, there’s some interaction … shake the lads, say hey to the girls. But you’ve got maximum 2 hours there. So the greetings are a lot shorter, the banter is brief and your introverted ass can get your required human interaction, and get back indoors.
Don’t get me wrong, I go out once in a while. This year alone, I’ve been to 6 different weddings. That may not seem a lot to you, but I think I’m making progress.
Plus this social activity also comes with the added benefit of keeping you healthy. I mean yeah, we all wish medical science would hurry up and develop a pill that gives you instant abs, but until they do we’ll just do it the old fashioned way.
They say everyone needs a bit of social interaction, it’s good for your mental health. But for those who would rather keep their social gatherings tally to a minimum, get your gym gear together. The girl in glasses is about to start squatting, and you guys have got to see this.
I am Womilee. Damn manboobs.