Tuesday, 15 June 2010

P.M. ... 15/06/2010

Good evening good people. As you can see, the delivery of this evening's post is prompt and punctual. I have received a number of death threats regarding my late delivery today. I don't know if I'm flattered or frightened... Ill go with flattered.
How did your various days go? I hope the weather did not constitute too much of a nuisance. It did do those of us in the service business a favour, keeping customers away, thus severely reducing the workload. Not that any of this means a thing to me nowadays, I work in a hotel. Or better yet, I lay about in a hotel. What I do cannot be considered as work.
However, I do vividly remember when my job description ensured that I interact with customers everyday of the week. I used to pray for days like today, hoping against hope that it would begin raining heavily at exactly 8am and the downpour would continue till 5pm. Cos honestly, I hated customers. The way I saw it, the bank was the source of my pain and unhappiness, and without customers, there would be no bank. Hence customers where the reason there was a source for my unhappiness.
Not to mention some customers are plain assholes. No manners, no morals, no personality. It just dawned on my that maybe I hated them so much cos they reminded me of me. But really though, sometimes it was unbearable. After a horrific day, 5pm would finally come round and you're thanking the lord its finally over. But at that precise moment, a customer walks in, acting like her puts the finishing touches on your girlfriends perfect ass and demanding that he/she be attended to. And trust the boss, he's not going to decline. Why should he? He isn't going to be the one actually working... He'll the doing the important stuff, serving the customer tea and inquiring as to the customer's impeccable timing.
These bastards had no pity on the junior staff. Some of them would go as far as thanking and commending the boss on a job well done. You're standing there like "what the fuck did he do?! Was it the tea? Or was it the ass kissing? I can serve tea AND kiss your ass sir... I multi-task!" But no, its the boss who did the good job. This got to me a couple of times gentlefolk. I must admit it, I had quite a number of macabre and violent day dreams. Infact, at one point in time, I was worried about bumping into a customer outside the bank. It didn't even have to be someone I know.
One weekend, I was driving past one of our branches, and I saw someone using one of the ATMs. I became overwhelmed with inexplicable rage people. This was one of the bastards who was to blame for my daily unhappiness. I envisioned myself approaching him in a friendly manner and politely enquiring if he was a customer of the bank, a mamber of staff or simply making use of the machine with another banks ATM. In my mind, I pictured him returning my polite attitude and with a smile, confirming that he indeed was a customer of the bank. I saw myself smiling back, thanking him for his patronage and walking back to my car... Where I got the wheel spanner out of the boot, ran back to the ATM and beating the bastard to deathe with the tire iron. That'll teach the sonofabitch to bank with us.
This little day dream actually calmed me down ladies and gentlemen. It felt good to fantasize about this brutal act of homicide. Unfortunately, committing said act was not possible... I lost my wheel spanner several months ago.
So, if you are one of those selfish individuals who feels that we bankers are there to attend to your every need, including providing the tissue with which you use to wipe your ass, please cease and dissist henceforth. If not then I suggest you pray for one of, or all three things;
1. That you do not bank with my employers
2. That if you do, then I am never removed from my current hotel assignment
And 3. That I don't find my tire iron.
I am Womilee, goodnight.

1 comment:

  1. i just realised y d last 2 days hav been so shitty - i didnt read ur blog! now dat i hav im feeling much much beta.

    love u T.P!

    p.s- il send u a new tire iron, baseball bat n anthing else u myt need.

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